3. Tee-off
(Close up of Andi hitting a gold ball.)
Andi:
So he cheated
Kas:
Bastard…
Andi:
I threw plates at him. And then I saw her. Blonde. Tanned.
Kas:
Whatever forget him…and her.
Andi:
I think I stepped on a shard of china.
Kas:
I know I know. I don’t know what’s wrong with us. What is wrong with us!? Relationships man.
Andi:
I’ve had a few
Kas:
No you haven’t.
Andi:
I just walked out. Him and the purchased boobs he was having behind my back
(cut to the opening scene where she walks out, but show the blonde with big boobs that is in standing in the hallway on the way out.Andi has small boobs and brown hair, so this discovery is obviously a blow.)
Kas:
(Andi sighs) … we play golf …we bitch about guys. (Hits one).
Andi:
Hit balls, yeah.
Kas:
Damn balls (hits one, goes long) – right in the midway! Well your morning can’t be worse than mine.
Andi:
Um, I confirmed Josh’s cheating and have a piece of my Aunt Roberta’s Bluebell china in my foot.
Kas:
Yeah well, I think I’ve got company.
Andi:
Family?
Kas:
No.
Andi:
A dinner party? How come I wasn’t invited?
Kas:
(Hits one)No, a hole in one.
Andi:
We’re at a driving range.
Kas:
I might have a PG rating.
Andi:
Are you sure? Like several positive pregnancy tests plus a visit to the doctors for a formal test for absolution sure?
Kas:
No, but my period is late and I threw up twice this morning while brushing my teeth. You know that aquafresh orange toothpaste...why do they make that?
Andi:
Too much exercise, bad midnight-snack?
Kas:
Or bay-be.
Andi:
Who else’s baby?
(Breathes in)
Close up of mouth saying this with a cigarette in it. Cut to scene with her and the possible stoner baby daddy with a suit on, good looking but long shaggy hair, and young. In a hotel room.
potential stoner baby daddy:
So like, Charlie sheen’s name isn’t really Charlie Sheen right, it’s like something un-wonderbread, like Carlos Estevez…like Emilio.
Kas:
Fascinating. (Taking off his pants and pushing him on the bed) we don’t have much time before they cut the cake.
Stoner:
And like Bob Dylan’s name is like, not Bob Dylan. It’s like something so like, I dunno, it’s like Russell finestein or soemthing. Really Jewish sounding.
Kas:
(Taking off clothes) wonderful, wonderful, what, really?!
Stoner:
Yeah!
Kas:
Uh huh so… (Looks down at bed)
Stoner:
Oh right, (and they hop on to the bed). I think it’s lemon cake.
Back to golf course:
Kas:
(says squinting) Carrot with Marzipan icing.
Andi:
Bob Dylan’s name isn’t Bob Dylan?
Kas:
Is that important?
Andi:
No. Fuck. So what are you going to do?
Kas:
I don’t know.
Andi:
I guess every name has the potential to be cool, or not, at birth...Bob Dylan... My everyday reality has flipped on itself.
Kas:
Oh really, cause I thought mine did.
